Self Belief Unsquashed

189. Being Funny Is Not Unprofessional

Is it OK to be funny in a business setting? Do you find yourself conflicted and forgetting how to be yourself! Self-squashing danger zone! In this episode we explore this 'fbeing funny' question with the help of someone who knows about the issue all too well.
My guest is the wonderful Beth Anne Campbell who, after twenty-three years as a professional in corporate technology, 'broke free from the shackles' and now channels her creative 'badassery' into writing books, podcasting, and speaking. Author of Where The Hell Is My Bacon? and From BLAH to BADASS:. Her passion is helping people 'find their authentic voice and radiate their best energy out into the universe.'
We dig down into what holds us back when it comes to using our natural humour (not tasteless or showy-offfy) in some situations.  Where are the boundaries?  Why do we self-edit in ways that squash our whole personality?
 
This topic is also explored in my book 'The Mystery of The Squashed Self' - in the chapter 'Frozen Funny'.
 
Find out more about Beth on her website or connect on LinkedIn.

188. What Makes You Interesting. Good Question.

What if the very things you've been told to "niche down" into or hide are actually what make you captivating?
In this episode, My guest Bee Higgins and I reflect on how our complexity — the messy, multi-layered, contradictory parts of ourselves — is not something to be feared, but embraced. We talk about why self-expression so often gets tangled up in pressure to be just one thing, and how that pressure can quietly squash our confidence.
From her early days as a blogger (pre-Instagram and pre-"influencer") to proudly claiming her identity as a disabled woman — Bee has learned that all the bits of us matter.
This one’s an honest, human conversation about owning your full story and allowing all of you to be seen.
Because guess what? That’s what makes you interesting.
 
Bee Higgins
Creative Copywriter & Messaging Mindset Mentor for small business owners ready to BLOOM with confident, heart-led copy & content
Discover more about my guest Bee - Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram. 
 
The Mystery of The Squashed Self - by Trisha Lewis. 
Sample chapter and more detail here.
For more 'unsquashing' resources - my website trishalewis.com

187. Make Friends With Your Inner Squasher

We all have an inner squasher! It is the voice that says 'no- don't do it' when you really want to have a go at something a bit challenging.  It is the voice that messes with your self-belief and mojo. The good news is - it is YOUR voice! 
This episode reminds you that you need to make friends with your 'inner squasher' before you give it a good talking to - and let your unsquashed self shine through.
When does the inner squasher flourish - and what actions can you take?
I venture into the world of rock-climbing to provide a good example.
Stay curious and unsquashed x
 
More unsquashing resources?  Head over to my website - trishalewis.com
 
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Amazon
Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx talk - YouTube
This podcast and more on my YouTube Channel

186. Navigating the Self-Doubt Traps and Thriving

Finally! I have a guest! The lovely Lisa de Caux - professional copy editor and proofreader extraordinaire - spills the tea on self-doubt traps she experienced during the very early days of setting up her business (LdC Editorial).  She survived - she learnt - and she is showing up to share.
 
From the networking event nightmare to the 'tweed jacket' conundrum and mum-business woman juggling act - grab a cuppa and listen, laugh a little and learn in that human to human way I like to bring to this podcast.
 
Lisa was the copy editor for my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' - so I can recommend her big time!
You will find her on her website:
https://www.ldceditorial.co.uk/
 
And over on YouTube - where she is all about answering your questions on editing or proofreading.  
https://www.youtube.com/@LisadeCaux
 
If you enjoyed this episode - subscribe! And check out the podcast on your favourite pod platform.
A great compliment to this episode is this recent YouTube video:
'8 Expensive Mistakes I made When I Started My Business. Lessons Learnt.'
 
 

185. People Pleasing Makes You Explode. The Primal Pain of Rejection

In this episode, I'm turning detective on a fresh perspective on people pleasing and its surprising knock-on effects. You might know that constantly trying to please others stems from a fear of rejection, which, incredibly, activates the same parts of your brain as physical pain. But have you considered how this habit can lead to feeling silently annoyed, then angry, and ultimately to losing your temper out of the frustration of not being your full authentic self?
Join me as I explore this cycle, share insights from my book (you get a whole chapter) "The Mystery of the Squashed Self", and offer some initial thoughts on how to worry less about being liked. Some good reframes to try!
I reference loads of good books for you to explore more!
Not Nice - Dr Aziz Gazipura 
The Courage to be Disliked - Kishimi and Koga
Myth of the Nice Girl - Fran Hauser
Go For No - Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton
Insight - Tasha Eurich
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis
 
I also refer to Michael Port and Aesop! 
 
Want to explore 'people pleasing' a little more?
Head to episodes: 182 and 167
 
Links to more unsquashing resources - including some tests you can have a bit of fun with - head to my resources page at trishalewis.com

184. Are You Weak For Needing Boundaries. Think Again.

This episode explores the guilt and discomfort associated with setting personal boundaries. We examine the fear of being perceived as selfish or weak that often prevents individuals from saying no or withdrawing from unwanted commitments. I introduce the concept of "fawning" as a potential trauma response related to people-pleasing. As always I offer some reframes and tips to help you recognise these feelings, prioritise their well-being, and understand that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and wisdom, rather than selfishness or weakness.
 
Refererences:
Article about 'Fawning' - Psychology Today
Untamed - Glennon Doyle
Gabor Mate
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis
Beware The Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx - Trisha Lewis
Other 'unsquashing' resources and quizzes - my website.

183. Share Your Strengths Without Showing Off

This podcast episode explores the common struggle of articulating one's skills and achievements without appearing boastful. It identifies this reluctance as a "dumbing down disaster" stemming from fears of being judged as a show-off, often rooted in past experiences and societal pressures.
The episode explores these underlying fears and assumptions, suggesting that sharing genuine expertise is distinct from bragging and can even empower others. It offers practical advice, including reframing achievements through relevant connections and accepting compliments, encouraging listeners to confidently acknowledge their abilities in appropriate contexts and overcome self-imposed limitations on their potential impact and growth.
*****
There is a chapter in my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' that explores this self-squasher. Details and sample chapter - as well as other unsquasher resources - to be found on my website trishalewis.com.  I also mention a book by Peggy Klaus - 'Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn'. 

182. The Shadow Side of Nice: Why Being Too Good Can Hold You Back.

In this episode of Self-Belief Unsquashed, I'm diving into something I think a lot of us can relate to: the 'too nice trap'. (It's one of the chapters in my book in fact!). Have you ever wondered if being too nice might actually be holding you back, or even making you feel like a bit of a fraud? That's exactly what we're unpicking today, inspired by the classic book, "If I'm So Successful, Why Do I Feel Like a Fake?" by Harvey and Katz.
It's so common, isn't it? We often put on our best behaviour, whether it's on a first date or in a job interview. But real connections and genuine happiness come when we can show our more authentic, sometimes less 'perfect' selves. Think about characters we love in books and on screen, like Elizabeth Bennett – their flaws are part of what makes them real.
The trouble starts when we feel this pressure to be constantly nice, so much so that we start to hide other parts of ourselves – what Carl Jung called our 'shadow self'. We might worry about revealing any anger, envy, or frustration, fearing rejection. As Harvey and Katz found in their research, people who others see as nice can secretly feel unworthy, even mean or hostile, believing they've somehow deceived people into liking them. This can lead to the strange feeling of being an imposter.
We also look at how we sometimes let our thoughts dictate our feelings, assuming that having a negative thought makes us a bad person – which simply isn't true. We all have those fleeting moments of irritation or frustration!. I share some relatable examples of falling into the 'too nice trap', like feeling obliged to donate extra at the till or attend events we don't really want to, just to avoid being seen as mean or unsociable. Even something as simple as adding smiley faces to emails can be part of this!.
But constantly hiding our true selves isn't healthy. As Robert Green discusses in his brilliant book, "The Laws of Human Nature", beneath that polite exterior, we all have a darker side. Repressing it can actually be harmful, leading to unexpected outbursts. Green suggests we need to become aware of our own dark side to control it and integrate it, leading to greater authenticity. "I'd rather be whole than good," as Carl Jung famously said.
So, how do we navigate this? It's about finding a balance. We touch upon the idea of assertiveness, which, as John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut explain in "Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential", isn't about being aggressive but finding that sweet spot between passive and aggressive, requiring both strength and warmth.
Ultimately, it's about self-awareness and understanding that it's okay to have a range of emotions and opinions. You don't need to be relentlessly 'lovely' to be liked or valued. In fact, trying to be that all the time can be exhausting and inauthentic.
If you're curious to explore this further, I've even got a couple of little tests on my website, trishalewis.com on the 'stay unsquashed' resources page – the Harvey IP scale from the book we mentioned, and my own squashometer test. Have a go and see what you think!
Stay curious and unsquashed!

181: Slamming Doors: Assertive or Self-Belief Squashing?

Confession time! A long time ago I got angry in an office, and something stupid happened.  We all get wound up by people and situations - but how we respond matters.  There is a counter-intuitive thing to consider - is our anger assertive or ultimately a way of being angry with ourselves for not being more controlled.  Listen to my crazy story and see if you relate - even if not in the fine detail!

180: Stop Attacking Yourself: Exploring The Trigger Trap

In this episode, I delve into the fascinating realm of non-intentional triggers and how they can lead to overblown reactions and negative inner dialogues. Through four relatable stories from my life, I explore how past experiences, like childhood sports memories and family dynamics, shape our sensitivities and triggering points today.
This is about the importance of awareness and control over our emotional responses. You will learn about the 3 'C' method - to "collect, communicate, and calm" your triggers. With practical actions and thought-nudging quotes, this episode offers listeners pathways to manage their reactions and break free from the self-doubt spiral, encouraging a reflective journey towards self-belief and emotional resilience.
 
Reference:  A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner
Quote included from Dr Nicole LePera
 
For all sorts of resources on the topic of 'staying unsquashed' including some tests - visit my website.