Self Belief Unsquashed

193. Speak Up Or Pipe Down - That Is The Question

I explore my lifelong impulse to speak out against everyday annoyances and perceived inefficiencies. You will hear numerous anecdotes from my history—including confrontations with teachers, supervisors, and people in queues—to illustrate this uncontrollable tendency.
Although I admit that this blurting behaviour often makes me look like the 'difficult one' and rarely fixes the underlying problem,I continue to struggle with the tension between remaining silent and voicing my perspective.
Ultimately, I explore the my attempt to cultivate a 'wise elder' perspective, learning to choose the moments for intervention by asking whether my comment will truly help or matter!
This episode is based on my latest article published on MEDIUM - where I regularly share lessons learnt or 'just wondering' musings.  Follow me - @trishalewistalk - or follow me on Instagram for the 'read for free' links. (@selfbeliefunsquashed)

192. To Persist or Give Up?

This episode is a big one, because I'm grappling with a massive question myself: to persist or walk away? Sound familiar? Whether it's a project, a job, a relationship, or even a long-held goal, we all face moments where we wonder if we should keep pushing or call it a day.
I'm actually trying to decide the future of this very podcast – do I continue, rebrand, or wrap it up completely? It's a huge decision, and one that traditionally comes with a lot of baggage. We've been told for generations that perseverance is the ultimate virtue, and giving up is a sign of "pitiful weakness". I've even dug into some old newspaper archives from as far back as 1862 and 1934 to show you just how deeply ingrained this idea is!
But what if I told you that sometimes, walking away can be incredibly wise and courageous? And that sometimes, persisting can actually be a sign of being stubborn, blinkered, or even complacent?
In this episode, we're flipping the script on those old notions. I'm sharing how to identify the red flags that tell you it might be time to change direction – like when a path no longer aligns with who you truly are, or when you're just feeling stuck and surviving instead of thriving. And we'll also explore the green flags that signal when "giving up" is actually a positive, transformative step, like having the courage to explore new avenues and letting go of the trap of worrying about "sunk costs" – all that effort you've already put in.
We'll even dive into Angela Duckworth's concept of 'grit' and how our identity plays a huge part in these decisions. So, let's clear out all those preconceived ideas about what we 'should' do and figure out, together, when it's truly time to persevere and when it's time to boldly walk away. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my own podcast dilemma too!
 
Grit: The Power or Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

191. Is Curiosity the Magic Unlocker. With Ricky Locke

Join us for a captivating episode with Ricky Locke, magician, speaker, and confidence coach. Ricky shares his remarkable journey of pivoting his career and fulfilling his ambition of becoming a TEDx Speaker, all through harnessing the power of curiosity.
In this conversation, discover how curiosity is like a compass to guide us through the unexpected, encouraging you to embrace the unknown and unlock new possibilities. Ricky delves into powerful techniques, explaining how visualisation helps achieve goals by using a vision board and daily affirmations. He shares how his affirmation, "I'm so happy and grateful now delivering my first TEDx," helped program his brain to generate ideas and opportunities, answering the question: do affirmations work?.
The episode also tackles the importance of challenging self-imposed constraints and learning to ask more questions about your beliefs. Ricky underscores the message to don't let limiting beliefs hold you back, explaining that most fears are learned and can be unlearned. He encourages listeners to embrace discomfort, recognising it as merely "unfamiliar" territory where "the magic happens". Tune in to be inspired to remain incurably curious and embrace the unfolding journey of life.
 
Ricky's TEDx talk: How Curiosity Unlocks Possibility.  TEDx Northwich.
His website:  Ricky Locke
Instagram:  RickyLockeMagic
Linkedin
 
References:  Jack Canfield Success Principles
I tried to remember a concept from the 'TED TALKS' book by the founder Chris Anderson - 
The full version is this: 
'Uncanny Valley' 
 
You can find more 'Unsquashing' resources on my website - including a link to my book and TEDx.  INCLUDING the sign up for the 'Just Wondering' email.

190. Who Are You Kidding?

Ever asked yourself 'who are you kidding?' Who are you kidding to think you can... or 'you are'...? Let's explore this classic self-belief squasher question. We look at the question from 3 different perspectives:  Your self-talk, other's talk and society talk. What are the FIBs that hold you back - fears, illusions and baggage!  I start with a recent personal story from an experience at the climbing wall - and include a story from my long-ago schooldays that involves netball!
Listen to the end of this short and sweet episode - and hear a quote from a book you might not have heard of - a book from my heaving shelf:
'Your Inner Critic Is A Jerk' by Danielle Krysa
 
If you are curious and keen to stay unsquashed - have a rummage round my website trishalewis.com - and sign up for my monthly email 'Just Wondering' - rabbit hole treat!

189. Being Funny Is Not Unprofessional

Is it OK to be funny in a business setting? Do you find yourself conflicted and forgetting how to be yourself! Self-squashing danger zone! In this episode we explore this 'fbeing funny' question with the help of someone who knows about the issue all too well.
My guest is the wonderful Beth Anne Campbell who, after twenty-three years as a professional in corporate technology, 'broke free from the shackles' and now channels her creative 'badassery' into writing books, podcasting, and speaking. Author of Where The Hell Is My Bacon? and From BLAH to BADASS:. Her passion is helping people 'find their authentic voice and radiate their best energy out into the universe.'
We dig down into what holds us back when it comes to using our natural humour (not tasteless or showy-offfy) in some situations.  Where are the boundaries?  Why do we self-edit in ways that squash our whole personality?
 
This topic is also explored in my book 'The Mystery of The Squashed Self' - in the chapter 'Frozen Funny'.
 
Find out more about Beth on her website or connect on LinkedIn.

188. What Makes You Interesting. Good Question.

What if the very things you've been told to "niche down" into or hide are actually what make you captivating?
In this episode, My guest Bee Higgins and I reflect on how our complexity — the messy, multi-layered, contradictory parts of ourselves — is not something to be feared, but embraced. We talk about why self-expression so often gets tangled up in pressure to be just one thing, and how that pressure can quietly squash our confidence.
From her early days as a blogger (pre-Instagram and pre-"influencer") to proudly claiming her identity as a disabled woman — Bee has learned that all the bits of us matter.
This one’s an honest, human conversation about owning your full story and allowing all of you to be seen.
Because guess what? That’s what makes you interesting.
 
Bee Higgins
Creative Copywriter & Messaging Mindset Mentor for small business owners ready to BLOOM with confident, heart-led copy & content
Discover more about my guest Bee - Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram. 
 
The Mystery of The Squashed Self - by Trisha Lewis. 
Sample chapter and more detail here.
For more 'unsquashing' resources - my website trishalewis.com

187. Make Friends With Your Inner Squasher

We all have an inner squasher! It is the voice that says 'no- don't do it' when you really want to have a go at something a bit challenging.  It is the voice that messes with your self-belief and mojo. The good news is - it is YOUR voice! 
This episode reminds you that you need to make friends with your 'inner squasher' before you give it a good talking to - and let your unsquashed self shine through.
When does the inner squasher flourish - and what actions can you take?
I venture into the world of rock-climbing to provide a good example.
Stay curious and unsquashed x
 
More unsquashing resources?  Head over to my website - trishalewis.com
 
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Amazon
Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx talk - YouTube
This podcast and more on my YouTube Channel

186. Navigating the Self-Doubt Traps and Thriving

Finally! I have a guest! The lovely Lisa de Caux - professional copy editor and proofreader extraordinaire - spills the tea on self-doubt traps she experienced during the very early days of setting up her business (LdC Editorial).  She survived - she learnt - and she is showing up to share.
 
From the networking event nightmare to the 'tweed jacket' conundrum and mum-business woman juggling act - grab a cuppa and listen, laugh a little and learn in that human to human way I like to bring to this podcast.
 
Lisa was the copy editor for my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' - so I can recommend her big time!
You will find her on her website:
https://www.ldceditorial.co.uk/
 
And over on YouTube - where she is all about answering your questions on editing or proofreading.  
https://www.youtube.com/@LisadeCaux
 
If you enjoyed this episode - subscribe! And check out the podcast on your favourite pod platform.
A great compliment to this episode is this recent YouTube video:
'8 Expensive Mistakes I made When I Started My Business. Lessons Learnt.'
 
 

185. People Pleasing Makes You Explode. The Primal Pain of Rejection

In this episode, I'm turning detective on a fresh perspective on people pleasing and its surprising knock-on effects. You might know that constantly trying to please others stems from a fear of rejection, which, incredibly, activates the same parts of your brain as physical pain. But have you considered how this habit can lead to feeling silently annoyed, then angry, and ultimately to losing your temper out of the frustration of not being your full authentic self?
Join me as I explore this cycle, share insights from my book (you get a whole chapter) "The Mystery of the Squashed Self", and offer some initial thoughts on how to worry less about being liked. Some good reframes to try!
I reference loads of good books for you to explore more!
Not Nice - Dr Aziz Gazipura 
The Courage to be Disliked - Kishimi and Koga
Myth of the Nice Girl - Fran Hauser
Go For No - Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton
Insight - Tasha Eurich
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis
 
I also refer to Michael Port and Aesop! 
 
Want to explore 'people pleasing' a little more?
Head to episodes: 182 and 167
 
Links to more unsquashing resources - including some tests you can have a bit of fun with - head to my resources page at trishalewis.com

184. Are You Weak For Needing Boundaries. Think Again.

This episode explores the guilt and discomfort associated with setting personal boundaries. We examine the fear of being perceived as selfish or weak that often prevents individuals from saying no or withdrawing from unwanted commitments. I introduce the concept of "fawning" as a potential trauma response related to people-pleasing. As always I offer some reframes and tips to help you recognise these feelings, prioritise their well-being, and understand that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and wisdom, rather than selfishness or weakness.
 
Refererences:
Article about 'Fawning' - Psychology Today
Untamed - Glennon Doyle
Gabor Mate
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis
Beware The Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx - Trisha Lewis
Other 'unsquashing' resources and quizzes - my website.