Self Belief Unsquashed

174: Emotional Flooding: When Tears Take Over

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your emotions? Do you feel like a softie when you well up in the middle of a work meeting or social event for seemingly small reasons?  Do you suppress or release your crying? 
 
Let's put 'crying' on the forensics table.  Not just any old crying - 'emotional crying'.
 
A little look at the science of crying and a real story to illustrate the potential embarrassment (and learning opportunities) of unbid and out of proportion 'emotional crying'.  Those waves of feeling that hit you without warning and quickly flood you - if you let them.
 
Is there a way to stop the tears? Do you need to? Are you being over-reactive or simply human?
 
This is not a sad listen.  This is about building a better relationship with your emotions.  Real stories, some brain/body stuff, and practical tips to try.
 
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Research for further investigation:
 
How Stuff Works - How Crying Works.
 
The Relationship of Gender Roles and Beliefs to Crying in an International Sample.
 
 
More 'Unsquashing' resources and links  - go to my website.
 
Follow me on Medium for all sorts of 'human' stories around the topic of 'self-squashing'. 
 
 
 

173: Is it stupid to feel like and impostor?

This episode explores the complexities of imposter syndrome, a feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. We delve into the idea that instead of viewing imposter syndrome as solely a negative experience, you can reframe it as a catalyst for growth and learning. Could the feeling act as a motivator to push past comfort zones, embrace vulnerability, and acquire new knowledge. We consider the importance of self-awareness, a growth mindset, and finding supportive communities to overcome the debilitating aspects of imposter syndrome and harness its potential for positive change.
 
REFERENCES
The first quote is from:
The importance of stupidity in scientific research - Martin A. Schwartz
Books:
Mindset - Carol Dweck
Think Again - Adam Grant
Dunning-Kruger Effect 
 
TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
Book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self
Coaching and more on 'unsquashing' - my website.
 

172: The Torture of Talking to Strangers

Ever been at a social event on your own and with loads of strangers - wedding, awards ceremony, business networking - and felt suffocated by self-consciousness - the kind that leaves you mute and convinced that everyone is looking at the way you hold your knife and fork - that sort of thing? I have! This episode explores the symptoms, drivers and then offers some very good tips to stop the torture!
 
References:
You Learn by Living - by Eleanor Roosevelt 
Letters to a Young Artist - by Anna Deavere Smith 
The Spotlight Effect
More on 'Self Squashing' -
TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
Book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self 
Resources and links at trishalewis.com

171: Feeling like you Don't Fit In.

That self generated feeling of being an outsider when with a group of people - familiar? New word - 'self-outsidering'. What are the symptons and drivers of this unhelpful self-squashing feeling - and what reframes and actions might help.
The 'self' part of this is the key! You are doing it to yourself. Something has triggered this 'outsider' feeling - what might it be? What are the FIBs that are holding you back - fears, illusions and baggage. Your host shares a couple of personal anecdotes - briefly - that might resonate ... or surprise!
REFERENCES
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
 How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett 
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More on 'unsquashing' - have a look at my website.
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Self-help book with a difference!  Beware the self squashing prophecy - TEDx 

170: Breathe Life into your Writing. Guest Bee Higgins.

You want to stand out with more confident, heart-led copy and content. You want to delve into your creative mindset - but a host of fears, illusions and bits of baggage - hold you back.
My guest Bee Higgins gets it! She feels it herself and she has tons of experience and expertise in creative writing. Bee is a messaging mentor who doesn't offer top tip templates for writing success - she offers insights and practical ideas on putting more of your own personality into your writing without getting squashed by comparisonitis and generic advice.
Just listening to her gentle wisdom will inspire you!
If you want to connect more with Bee - LinkedIn  Instagram   
More about 'unsquashing'? Head to my website - links to my book, TEDx and other resources. 

169: Standing out while Fitting in

This episode explores the tension between wanting to make and impact and wanting to conform to the norm. Is it possible to do both? What are the symptoms of too much blending in or even too much standing out - when you are not coming from a place of 'you-ness'?
As always we look at the symptoms, drivers and then possible solutions to try out. As always I refer to a book or two and some areas that you might want to explore more - if you like a good rabbit hole like me.
References for this episode: Book - A Fraction of the Whole by Stand Toltz 
Book - A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner 
Theories: Impression Management 
Social Identity 
I also refer to my book and TEDx talk Book: The Mystery of the Squashed Self  TEDx: Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy 
More resources at www.trishalewis.com

168. We all make Mistakes

Do you have a recurring flush of embarrasement or even shame well after you have done something stupid? Do you dwell on the stuff you messed up on? Do you worry too much about what people think about you?
Welcome to another episode that explores the human stuff - the stuff that can sometimes hold you back and stop your JIG - joy, impact and growth!
The potential to self-sabotage is in us all - and dwelling on the things that didn't go so well or maybe just felt like a way bigger issue than it actually was.. well that could have you falling down the self-squashing, self-doubt spiral! We look at the symptoms, drivers and then reframe actions.
Quotes from a great book - Chatter - Ethan Kross - https://amzn.eu/d/2G7fpZX
More on Self-Squashing on my website https://www.trishalewis.com/ where you will find links to the TEDx talk and my book - all exploring this variant of Imposter Syndrome - Self-Squashing.

167: Dare to be Disliked

Time to explore a very human fear - fear of rejection. Can you really protect yourself from being disliked? What are the symptoms of this fear? What drives this fear? Time to name and reframe - and make sure this classic 'self-squasher' isn't holding you back.
 
Inspired by this book:
The Courage to be Disliked - by Ichiro Kishimi and FUmitake Koga
Also referenced:
The Presentation of Self in Every Day Life - Erving Goffman
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Jo Dispenza
Research - 'The Liking Gap' - Erica Boothby and colleagues 2018.
 
My book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self
My TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
Links and more - trishalewis.com

166: Give yourself more credit. With Ben Franklin.

Do you give yourself enough credit? My guest Ben Franklin shares his experience from the very start of his journey - and as he puts it - the setbacks and growth moments will be part of your journey at every point - wherever you enter, whatever your background or age. 
We explore the importance of taking risks, gaining practical experience, and overcoming setbacks and self-doubt. Ben gives examples of recognising the value of personal experience and skills. 
We also touch on the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on social media, impostor syndrome triggers and handling negative feedback.
We share our personal experiences and insights on how to build resilience with a focus on embracing differences and focusing on personal growth whilst taking inspiration from others.
 
Connect with Ben Franklin - LinkedIn
Listen to his podcast 'Ground Zero' on most podcast platforms.
Also on YouTube here.
In this episode we refer to a community we are both involved with - 'You are the Media' - more details here.
Transcript PDF on my website trishalewis.com
Video of this episode on my YouTube Channel.
 

165: Be More Skeptical

How come you blindly accept 'expert' opinion and even default thinking about yourself! Common sense ideas and public opinion can be too readily accepted by us all.  Time for some healthy skepticism - time to get curious and examine!
Who better to help us with this process than the philosoper Socrates? Whilst he might be long gone - his ideas remain as relevant as ever.
There is a method of examining known as 'the Socratic Method of Thinking' - and it is clearly laid out in  the book I reference - 
'The Consolations of Philosophy' by Alain de Botton.
 
You will be taken through the 6 steps of this method - with an everday example.  You can then place any example of an 'unquestioned truth' into the 'curiosity' machine - and see what comes out!
 
Video of episodes are available on my YouTube channel 
More resources on 'self-belief unsquashing' to be found at trishalewis.com