Self Belief Unsquashed

166: Give yourself more credit. With Ben Franklin.

Do you give yourself enough credit? My guest Ben Franklin shares his experience from the very start of his journey - and as he puts it - the setbacks and growth moments will be part of your journey at every point - wherever you enter, whatever your background or age. 
We explore the importance of taking risks, gaining practical experience, and overcoming setbacks and self-doubt. Ben gives examples of recognising the value of personal experience and skills. 
We also touch on the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on social media, impostor syndrome triggers and handling negative feedback.
We share our personal experiences and insights on how to build resilience with a focus on embracing differences and focusing on personal growth whilst taking inspiration from others.
 
Connect with Ben Franklin - LinkedIn
Listen to his podcast 'Ground Zero' on most podcast platforms.
Also on YouTube here.
In this episode we refer to a community we are both involved with - 'You are the Media' - more details here.
Transcript PDF on my website trishalewis.com
Video of this episode on my YouTube Channel.
 

165: Be More Skeptical

How come you blindly accept 'expert' opinion and even default thinking about yourself! Common sense ideas and public opinion can be too readily accepted by us all.  Time for some healthy skepticism - time to get curious and examine!
Who better to help us with this process than the philosoper Socrates? Whilst he might be long gone - his ideas remain as relevant as ever.
There is a method of examining known as 'the Socratic Method of Thinking' - and it is clearly laid out in  the book I reference - 
'The Consolations of Philosophy' by Alain de Botton.
 
You will be taken through the 6 steps of this method - with an everday example.  You can then place any example of an 'unquestioned truth' into the 'curiosity' machine - and see what comes out!
 
Video of episodes are available on my YouTube channel 
More resources on 'self-belief unsquashing' to be found at trishalewis.com
 

164: How to negotiate with your self-doubt.

Next time you fall into a self-doubt spiral full of negative self-talk getting you nowhere - try this! Use the 'principled negotiation' technique espoused by Fisher and Ury (expert negotiators) - to negotiate with your emotions and inner chat!
In this episode I explore two of the ingredients of 'principled negotiation' - Separate the people from the problem - and - Focus on interests not positions - and flip them to a negotiation with your own thoughts/emotions/assumptions and baggage!
Practical tool - we explore when, why and how to use this technique - on your self!
I wrap up with some powerful quotes from two classic books I've had on my shelf since uni days - referenced below.
Pull yourself up before you fall down the self doubt spiral and achieve - nothing!
PDF transcript on the episode page at trishalewis.com
REFERENCES in this episode:
Getting to Yes - Roger Fisher and William Ury 
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman 
Borkovec - research on 'worry'
Enjoy the episode and subscribe.
Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'!
Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

163. How to be bored

Why do humans struggle with doing nothing on their own! Busy doing nothing - not as meaningless as it sounds. Here's how to get good at being bored and alone - a total reframe that will have you feeling meaningful.
References:
Research - Timothy Wilson 'How Much do we not like being bored.'
Sunday Neurosis theory - Sander Ferenczi 
Book - Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi  
 
PDF transcript on my website - trishalewis.com
YouTube - video of this episode

162: Afraid of being judged as cocky if you are confident?

Is your fear of being judged as cocky, arrogant or a 'know it all' holding you back from simply showing up with confidence?  You are not alone!
If you have ever been in the company of a 'cocky' type - you will have thought - 'I don't ever want to come across like that'.
The fear is so real that you second guess anything that means you show confidence!  Like sharing opinions, giving good presentations, sharing your achievements etc.
In this podcast we explore the fear, the mis-associations and the mix that you need to build your confidence - without fear of being judged as cocky!
I share a really useful graphic from the book 'How to be Confident' by James Smith  - and a wonderful quote by Maria Popova (The Marginalian).
We explore humility, competence and debunk some myths!
 
You can view this on YouTube.
More 'unsquashing' resources at trishalewis.com

161: Why do we overreact?

If you have ever burst out into tears, 'lost it' or gone into a mild form of panic attack - and regretted that public display of intense emotion - this is for you! If you are human - this is for you.
In this episode I invite my imaginary guest (a new feature) - Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence) - to share insights on a powerful part of our brain - the 'amygdala'.  
We also look at the part played by your 'triggers' - your very individual 'stuff' - including your learning style.
As always - a story or two to illustrate, the forensics to better understand - and some action steps to try out.
Nothing wrong with intense emotions - all part of our survival instincts - but...
they sometimes kick off without a obvious reason ... and potentially creating awkward or 'squashing' after effects.
I start this episode with a quote from a great little book called 'Anxiety is Really Strange' by Steve Haines
There will be a video of this episode on my YouTube channel - and transcript available in the shownotes on my website.
 

160: Are you Fighting Yourself?

Are you falling into self-doubt spirals by beating yourself up when things don't go perfectly? You are human - it will happen.
In this episode I explore the connection between self-esteem, self-doubt and this 'fighting with yourself' thing!
You will go through some forensics with me - including unwrapping a real example to illustrate.
It all starts with you doing a powerful visualisation involving a robot!
 
I quote from the classic book on Self-esteem -
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
I also refer you to other episodes - especially this one:
155 - Manage your negative self talk with this mind trick.
 
For more on 'unsquashing' your self belief - check out my TEDx talk 'The Self Squashing Prophecy' and my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self'.
If you want to see this episode as a video - head over to my YouTube Channel.
 

159: Can you Fake your Personality?

'Just be yourself' - what does that mean to you? This well meaning advice needs a closer look. In this episode you'll discover that personality is not a label or stone sculpture round our neck - we can become something we are not without being a con artist! We can adopt what Brian R Little calls - a 'free trait'. Intriqued?
Listen to this short unsquasher episode to learn more - and gain insights into ways in which you can 'be yourself' a bit differently!
The way you approach interviews, presentations, networking conversations and all sorts of situations - will be greatly enhanced by understanding more about your eminently mutable self! Health and happiness benefits too!
Referenced in this episode: Book - Me, Myself and Us by Brian R Little 
Research - Self monitoring Scale - Mark Snyder (1979) See this article from 'The Cut' - where you will also find the scale itself. 
Video version of this episode.
PDF transcript at trishalewis.com - podcast page.
 
Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'!
Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

158: Don't Calm Down Dear

When you are feeling a nervous mess before public speaking, interviews or any performance event where you fear messing up.... the friendly advice is 'calm down - breathe deep - visualise lovely things' etc! You tell yourself to 'calm down' as you see your hands trembling and feel your stomach full of butterflies.... but.... what if there was a better way to proceed that seems very counter-instinctive?
This short unsquasher episode explores an alternative way. Inspired by reading a highly recommended book - 'Cringeworthy' by Melissa Dahl and some research refrenced by the author.
Book and research links and transcript PDF in shownotes at https://trishalewis.com/
 
Video of this episode
 
Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'!
Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

157: Feed Your Growth. Alan Braithwaite

As a human you are motivated to learn, develop and grow. But it can't just be about study and fancy qualifications surely. What are the basic feeders of personal growth or even business, hobby skills growth?
Welcome to an episode full of those growth feeders.
My guest Alan Braithwaite (see previous episode with Emily Braithwaite) - is co founder of 'Yellow Tuxedo' - helping businesess be visible online.  But he and Emily have also built a brilliant community called 'Digital Circus' - helping smaller businesses by real practical tips and - so much more.  That 'more' is the power of a team. The growth ingredient of working together - and we unwrap that in this conversation.
Alan is a proud Scout leader - and you will be surprised by the learnings from this that are so relevant to us all as growing humans!
As Alan says:
"It's about fun, safety and adventure. And all of a sudden, you're an adult with all of these skills that you don't really remember learning then they just built into you."
From  a Top Gun Maverick mantra to Scouting stories to very real observations about community, fun, motivation - squashing and unsquashing - this is a rich listen.
 
Alan Braithwaite is the co-founder of Yellow Tuxedo.  -  The online visibility specialists.